Coming Out (as a latex fetishist in SL)… And Friendship

Coming Out“: a term usually associated with people revealing their sexual orientation and gender identity to their social circle. Not an easy decision, mind you. Telling someone else (who may or may not have suspected it) that you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered (or intend to become transgendered) is an action that could very well end up in tension and/or tears: the other person may very easily reject you. You see, homophobic (and biphobic) prejudices are still rampant in our societies; never mind how “progressive” we want to think we are, there are still many people who would easily reject their best friend if they found out s/he prefers to have relationships with people of her/his own gender. Some would even reject and dismiss their own child. Some others would reject their lover if they found out s/he is bisexual.

Like I said, it’s not easy. Then, there’s another point: one can easily argue that one’s sexual orientation is no one else’s business and, thus, the privacy card is played. If only it were that simple. You see, this approach only works for people who don’t get seriously involved romantically with others: people who just don’t have relationships, but only sexual encounters. I can’t judge someone for preferring to lead a strictly sexual life with no romantic content in it, but it just doesn’t work for me and I’m pretty sure it won’t work for many others.

It’s these others, the people like me, who want to have a relationship with the One their hearts chose, that will eventually have to come out. You can’t live your life in hiding. You’ll want to go out with that special someone. And then you’ll be seen. You’ll want to go out with that special someone with others. At a gathering with friends and/or colleagues. And then, again, you’ll be seen. That’s when the “it’s only my business” approach doesn’t work, because it doesn’t take into account the feelings of the other person. If they want to play hide and seek, OK. But last time I checked, couples do have a social life. What do you do then? Pretend you’re not romantically and sexually involved with the person you’ve gone out with? No one’s that good an actor – and others aren’t that stupid.

So, you’ll have to come out. You’ll have to be honest to yourself, to your loved one, to others. It won’t be easy. It won’t be risk-free. You might end up losing friends (at least temporarily). But you’ll have to do it. For you. For the one you love. And for your own sanity: how long can you go on pretending you’re something that you’re not? How long can you go on denying your own self?

Now, as hard as it is for the LGBT crowd, it’s every bit as hard for fetishists (and NO, I am NOT talking about sick and disgusting “fetishes” like the “desires” of paedophiles, zoophiles and guro morons). At best, people will think you’re weird. At worst, you’ll experience some sort of exclusion.

What sort of exclusion? Well, since I’m writing about Second Life (SL) and since SL is where I indulge in some of my fantasies (the ones that are either too costly or too impractical or just plain impossible to explore in Real Life), I’ll share my thoughts and experiences on this.

I was reshaped/reborn as a latex life form and am planning on remaining so for the rest of my existence in Second Life. The problem is, this kind of shape and form is considered of an “adult” nature and appearing in this form on “G-rated” sims could easily get me in trouble if I happen to come across an avatar used by an overweight, religiously fanatic, middle-aged “lady” from the Bible Belt. Of course, the fact that her avatar is typically dressed like Skank-O-Matic 2000 (for instance, with the shortest dress imaginable and without underwear beneath it), equipped with an Animation Overrider configured to pose in the most provocative ways imaginable and (the horror…) full of horribly scripted genitals (whose scripts are always running, causing immense loads of lag for everyone) is no problem at all. So, there you have one problem for people who decide to be what (or who) they want to be in Second Life, if this is not deemed acceptable by the prudes that have been trolling and tormenting humankind since we evolved from the apes. This particular kind of attitude deserves its own blog post, as I’ve had some stupid drama from an idiotic “elderly lady” who wanted to report me for abuse because I appeared in my latex attire in a “Moderate” sim.

Of course, it’s not like I’d want to go to every possible “G-rated” sim; I wouldn’t bother going to kids-oriented sims or parcels. But I’d love to have no problem visiting an art installation. And here you have a discrimination: Furry avatars (and furries are a community that is all about a particular sexual fetish, let’s not hide behind our finger) are OK in such sims. Demon-like avatars are OK. Heck, even tentacle demon (another kind of avatar of an absolutely sexual nature) are acceptable! But people clad in latex and wearing a featureless hood? No way! They are deemed to be “unsuitable for minors”.

This, of course, exhibits a skewed and even hypocritical perspective on behalf of the organizers of many events – in turn, it reveals a skewed and hypocritical way in which our society sees things: It’s perfectly OK for furries to visit art installations in their furry form (now I’m certainly going to “enjoy” some drama from some attention-whoring members of this community) – and no, hiding their genitals doesn’t make them any less explicit in their statement that they have a certain sexual fetish, in which they indulge in SL. But it’s not OK for someone clad in latex and wearing a featureless hood? It’s OK for a tentacled (hello… Tentacle rape hentai anyone?) demon to attend art exhibitions… But not latex-clad people? It’s OK for a dragon or an “otherkin” avatar, but not a human, clad in latex? Give me a break!

Then, there’s the issue of friends.

When you “come out”, either as a member of the LGBT community or as a latex fetishist (yes, I’m talking about latex dolls and such – even gynoids) to your friends, you risk losing them because of their prejudices. Many will freak out. They’ll think you’re just plain sick. And they’ll stop talking to you. Of course, they have no problem hanging around with people who fantasize about having sex with animals (yes, you know which sort of persons I’m talking about). Some of them don’t even have a problem hanging around with people who love ageplay (i.e. paedophiles). In this case, we have a case of both pointing the finger and hiding behind it.

In what idiotic mind is a fetish that involves consenting adult humans practicing the well-regarded and accepted SSC and RACK principles [both of which require that all parties involved are (a) humans, (b) adults, (c) capable of consent, i.e.  with an age at least equal to their jurisdiction’s age of consent, and mentally capable of making informed, educated decisions] worse than fetishes involving animals and/or rape (tentacle demons and tentacles in general)? It’s not even in the same league. But enough of me letting off steam.

The thing is, when you come out in SL as a latex fetishist, you run – like LGBT people in RL – the risk of rejection and prejudice. And when you do come out as someone who wants to be transformed as I have been, you’re really going to count who your true friends are. Friendship, you see is about acceptance. Always within certain and obvious limits, a true friend will accept you for who you are and for what makes you happy – especially in a virtual, fantasy world like SL, where people explore their innermost desires and (try to) be what they can’t be in RL (perhaps even serving a Walter Mitty complex), you’d expect people to be less judgemental and more accepting.

Once again – when you come out as a latex fetishist in SL, especially in the most “extreme” appearances of this kink, you’ll see which of your friends will see beneath your latex catsuit, beneath your hood or mask and understand that the person in there is actually you, the one they befriended and that the only thing that has changed is your appearance.

What would you do with those who won’t accept you? This is entirely up to you and/or them. They can pretend to be tolerant; this means they’ll basically ignore your existence, talk to you from time to time (but only after you have spoken to them first) and try to stay as far away from you as possible. They might remove you from their friends list and even block you. They might try to understand you. Or, you might just sever all bonds with them, as their presence on your friends list will be in vain.

Who said latex fetishists in SL have it easy?

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Mona (formerly slutrix)

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Shortlink: http://wp.me/p2pUmX-A

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First posted at: http://wp.me/p2RycE-o

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4 thoughts on “Coming Out (as a latex fetishist in SL)… And Friendship

  1. A couple of points I’d like to make .. and forgive me for being a bit on the blunt side with the first .. but that’s me. While I certainly understand the frustration and (at times) anger you obviously feel toward others that have instigated various forms of drama because of your appearance, I am left with the opinion that your words and feelings express nearly the same level of discrimination as you rail against. Your characterization of those that have or would AR you for your appearance as “overweight .. etc.” is forcing on them a prejudice that is just as broadly and wrongly placed as those that would characterize a latex-clad avatar as offensive. Perhaps you have ample reason to be angry, but I don’t think you should engage in the same fashion broad-brush character assassination as they do.

    The second point I want to make is that I do find it amazing and very sad that those who would take exception to your Avatar do so just because of your appearance. I would be willing to bet that if you added a rotating blinking light on top of your head and called yourself a Robot that they wouldn’t have the slightest concern whatsoever. Basically the “problem” with your appearance has nothing whatsoever to do with how you look, but in their OWN trumped up imagination as to what sorts of things you are into. In other words, the real malfunction in the whole dynamic is their imagination and has not one whit to do with the specifics of your own personal fantasy and appearance.

    Acceptance is indeed a tough thing to find sometimes. It’s not only essential to one’s own health, but when lost or withheld by those we care for can result in some very drastic (and permanent) reactions in people. Considering that (IMO) the true worth of a person isn’t found on the outside .. of either their RL or SL body .. it’s a shame that so many do arrive at a rock solid and unwavering opinion of the whole person on such irrelevant details. But we are still maturing as a race.

    Perhaps we will someday see a time when such things do not really matter, but when you also realize that many people do adopt a specific mode of dress or appearance specifically because of their hateful or destructive way of life (for example skinheads) then it’s easy to see why we humans also hang on dearly to using appearance as a primary determinant in our judgments of others.

    1. Well, Darrius, having read the profiles (especially the RL-related info) of those who gave me drama for my appearance – drama that they caused, as you correctly pointed out – strictly because of their own trumped up imagination and expectation of what I might be into, that’s the picture – perhaps generalzing, if you wish – that was formed in my head:

      That of an overweight, holier than thou person who takes immense pleasure from being an arse. And if you take the time to learn of the actions and statements of two morbidly obese Greek politicians, Evangelos Venizelos (who legislated – and keeps doing so – for the complete immunity and impunity of corrupt Greek politicians and the penalization of any journalist or otherwise attempt at investigating white-collar crime) and Theodoros Pangalos, a politician that’s every bit as corrupt and also has the nerve to tell people that “they corrupted him” and he’s not to blame at all, you’ll understand full well why I’ve connected this kind of obesity with self-centredness and a complete lack of sensitivity towards others.

      Your comment also reminds me of a very interesting post by Vick Forcella.

      Mind you, in RL I do dress in a sexy manner when it’s possible; I do go topless on the beach, I do wear thong and g-string swimwear. Of the ones who have given me drama, at least half of them were like the two politicians I mentioned. I happen, therefore, to speak from RL experience.

      1. I live in the southeast of the USA, and trust me .. this part of the country is well and truly overloaded with women of the same shape and demeanor as you quote. I’m all too familiar with their predilection for pushing their nose into the business of anyone else they happen to encounter. I completely believe that they extend that personal pattern of behavior into Second Life as well.

        We (American Southerners) also have an overabundance of rotund politicians who seem only to retain their role in government in order to further their old cronies networks and promote laws that favor their friends .. even to the detriment of their constituents. But I shall do a bit of digging into the politicians you mention as well .. if only to validate my suspicion that they are of the same type .. differing only in their names.

        This is something I struggle with myself, the tendency to over-generalize people and their expected behavior based solely on their appearance. It is an instant appraisal that is sometimes very hard to resist, especially when confronted with so many shining examples of why such generalizations are correct. But still I try very hard to not slip in that habit, and to try and not let such simple conclusions cloud my ability to see who and what they truly are. I made the comment I did in the belief that you too try not to slip into the same trap. I hope that my words have not offended you, as they were meant to be honest and helpful and not offensive.

        FWIW: I would not hesitate for a moment to be seen in (SL) Public with you in your current appearance. And I would certainly voice my feelings toward anyone that DID take exception to you. After all, “Maturity Rating” is something that comes from actions and not from appearance (excluding nudity and the like). I have the impression that you are not someone that runs around acting out in adult-oriented ways .. and a simple latex attire (including full head/face covering) is just another form of attire in my opinion. (However I would not be caught DEAD with someone wearing those gawd-awful checkered golf pants .. LOL)

        1. I have found that the “SL is SL and RL is RL” motto I so often see in profiles is practically moot, as the only application it can validly have is protecting one’s RL privacy; what we are in RL, what we can’t be in RL, what we wish we were in RL defines to a very large degree what we are and how we act in SL. People who butt into other people’s lives in RL will continue to do so in SL.

          Now, humans do tend to generalize; stereotypes are, at least in my view, a usage and expression of the platonic “idea”; for instance, you expect a horse to have four legs, a certain shape, make certain sounds; you expect a duck to have feathers, swim in lakes, fly, have a long beak with a rounded front and make quacky sounds. It’s convenient for our brain’s data processing functions. Is it wrong or right? It can be wrong, it can be harmless. In my original post, the process you mentioned in your current comment’s third paragraph (“over-generalize people and their expected behavior based solely on their appearance”) was reversed; I formed in my mind a likely RL image based on the behaviour of the people who gave me drama – of course, the stereotype was there. And, while I would really like for the stereotype to be 100% wrong, there is an alarmingly large number of occasions in which it is right.

          Yes, it takes conscious effort to avoid slipping into stereotypes. For instance, while I do have certain biases (often negative) towards certain SL communities, when I meet an individual of any community, I assess them based on their behaviour; oftentimes, the stereotypes are proven wrong.

          And no, you haven’t offended me. 🙂

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