“Coming Out“: a term usually associated with people revealing their sexual orientation and gender identity to their social circle. Not an easy decision, mind you. Telling someone else (who may or may not have suspected it) that you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered (or intend to become transgendered) is an action that could very well end up in tension and/or tears: the other person may very easily reject you. You see, homophobic (and biphobic) prejudices are still rampant in our societies; never mind how “progressive” we want to think we are, there are still many people who would easily reject their best friend if they found out s/he prefers to have relationships with people of her/his own gender. Some would even reject and dismiss their own child. Some others would reject their lover if they found out s/he is bisexual.
Like I said, it’s not easy. Then, there’s another point: one can easily argue that one’s sexual orientation is no one else’s business and, thus, the privacy card is played. If only it were that simple. You see, this approach only works for people who don’t get seriously involved romantically with others: people who just don’t have relationships, but only sexual encounters. I can’t judge someone for preferring to lead a strictly sexual life with no romantic content in it, but it just doesn’t work for me and I’m pretty sure it won’t work for many others.
It’s these others, the people like me, who want to have a relationship with the One their hearts chose, that will eventually have to come out. You can’t live your life in hiding. You’ll want to go out with that special someone. And then you’ll be seen. You’ll want to go out with that special someone with others. At a gathering with friends and/or colleagues. And then, again, you’ll be seen. That’s when the “it’s only my business” approach doesn’t work, because it doesn’t take into account the feelings of the other person. If they want to play hide and seek, OK. But last time I checked, couples do have a social life. What do you do then? Pretend you’re not romantically and sexually involved with the person you’ve gone out with? No one’s that good an actor – and others aren’t that stupid.
So, you’ll have to come out. You’ll have to be honest to yourself, to your loved one, to others. It won’t be easy. It won’t be risk-free. You might end up losing friends (at least temporarily). But you’ll have to do it. For you. For the one you love. And for your own sanity: how long can you go on pretending you’re something that you’re not? How long can you go on denying your own self?
Now, as hard as it is for the LGBT crowd, it’s every bit as hard for fetishists (and NO, I am NOT talking about sick and disgusting “fetishes” like the “desires” of paedophiles, zoophiles and guro morons). At best, people will think you’re weird. At worst, you’ll experience some sort of exclusion.
What sort of exclusion? Well, since I’m writing about Second Life (SL) and since SL is where I indulge in some of my fantasies (the ones that are either too costly or too impractical or just plain impossible to explore in Real Life), I’ll share my thoughts and experiences on this.
I was reshaped/reborn as a latex life form and am planning on remaining so for the rest of my existence in Second Life. The problem is, this kind of shape and form is considered of an “adult” nature and appearing in this form on “G-rated” sims could easily get me in trouble if I happen to come across an avatar used by an overweight, religiously fanatic, middle-aged “lady” from the Bible Belt. Of course, the fact that her avatar is typically dressed like Skank-O-Matic 2000 (for instance, with the shortest dress imaginable and without underwear beneath it), equipped with an Animation Overrider configured to pose in the most provocative ways imaginable and (the horror…) full of horribly scripted genitals (whose scripts are always running, causing immense loads of lag for everyone) is no problem at all. So, there you have one problem for people who decide to be what (or who) they want to be in Second Life, if this is not deemed acceptable by the prudes that have been trolling and tormenting humankind since we evolved from the apes. This particular kind of attitude deserves its own blog post, as I’ve had some stupid drama from an idiotic “elderly lady” who wanted to report me for abuse because I appeared in my latex attire in a “Moderate” sim.
Of course, it’s not like I’d want to go to every possible “G-rated” sim; I wouldn’t bother going to kids-oriented sims or parcels. But I’d love to have no problem visiting an art installation. And here you have a discrimination: Furry avatars (and furries are a community that is all about a particular sexual fetish, let’s not hide behind our finger) are OK in such sims. Demon-like avatars are OK. Heck, even tentacle demon (another kind of avatar of an absolutely sexual nature) are acceptable! But people clad in latex and wearing a featureless hood? No way! They are deemed to be “unsuitable for minors”.
This, of course, exhibits a skewed and even hypocritical perspective on behalf of the organizers of many events – in turn, it reveals a skewed and hypocritical way in which our society sees things: It’s perfectly OK for furries to visit art installations in their furry form (now I’m certainly going to “enjoy” some drama from some attention-whoring members of this community) – and no, hiding their genitals doesn’t make them any less explicit in their statement that they have a certain sexual fetish, in which they indulge in SL. But it’s not OK for someone clad in latex and wearing a featureless hood? It’s OK for a tentacled (hello… Tentacle rape hentai anyone?) demon to attend art exhibitions… But not latex-clad people? It’s OK for a dragon or an “otherkin” avatar, but not a human, clad in latex? Give me a break!
Then, there’s the issue of friends.
When you “come out”, either as a member of the LGBT community or as a latex fetishist (yes, I’m talking about latex dolls and such – even gynoids) to your friends, you risk losing them because of their prejudices. Many will freak out. They’ll think you’re just plain sick. And they’ll stop talking to you. Of course, they have no problem hanging around with people who fantasize about having sex with animals (yes, you know which sort of persons I’m talking about). Some of them don’t even have a problem hanging around with people who love ageplay (i.e. paedophiles). In this case, we have a case of both pointing the finger and hiding behind it.
In what idiotic mind is a fetish that involves consenting adult humans practicing the well-regarded and accepted SSC and RACK principles [both of which require that all parties involved are (a) humans, (b) adults, (c) capable of consent, i.e. with an age at least equal to their jurisdiction’s age of consent, and mentally capable of making informed, educated decisions] worse than fetishes involving animals and/or rape (tentacle demons and tentacles in general)? It’s not even in the same league. But enough of me letting off steam.
The thing is, when you come out in SL as a latex fetishist, you run – like LGBT people in RL – the risk of rejection and prejudice. And when you do come out as someone who wants to be transformed as I have been, you’re really going to count who your true friends are. Friendship, you see is about acceptance. Always within certain and obvious limits, a true friend will accept you for who you are and for what makes you happy – especially in a virtual, fantasy world like SL, where people explore their innermost desires and (try to) be what they can’t be in RL (perhaps even serving a Walter Mitty complex), you’d expect people to be less judgemental and more accepting.
Once again – when you come out as a latex fetishist in SL, especially in the most “extreme” appearances of this kink, you’ll see which of your friends will see beneath your latex catsuit, beneath your hood or mask and understand that the person in there is actually you, the one they befriended and that the only thing that has changed is your appearance.
What would you do with those who won’t accept you? This is entirely up to you and/or them. They can pretend to be tolerant; this means they’ll basically ignore your existence, talk to you from time to time (but only after you have spoken to them first) and try to stay as far away from you as possible. They might remove you from their friends list and even block you. They might try to understand you. Or, you might just sever all bonds with them, as their presence on your friends list will be in vain.
Who said latex fetishists in SL have it easy?
Mona (formerly slutrix)
First posted at: http://wp.me/p2RycE-o