The loving Dominant

NOTICE: The article below deals with adult and fetish-related topics and fantasies. If you are offended by this sort of thing or are not a legal adult, I suggest you leave this instant.

I have already discussed the topic of Sensual D/s (SD/s for short). In my previous post, I believe I have made it quite clear that SD/s is my preferred mode of D/s by a country mile. The reason is that, as strange as it might seem to many, in its subtlety and gentleness it incorporates an intensity and passion that, given the desired and requisite degree of connection and understanding between Dom(me) and sub, can build an extremely successful, loving relationship in which Dom(me) and sub eventually become one. I have also implied that SD/s, especially in virtual worlds like Second Life, is only feasible if both parties are endowed with certain characteristics. As far as SD/s play is concerned on the internet and, more specifically, in SL, I have identified through my experience seven important factors that determine whether SD/s can happen between the Dom(me) and the sub or not.

Please note that, because of my personal perspective on the fetish realm, the focus of my posts on these matters will always be on SD/s and not on BDSM. Once again, some of the material for this post will come from the excellent “Devices and Desires | D/s in the virtual Domain” blog owned by Exotix (Inara Pey). More specifically, much of the material will come from Her post “The loving Dominant“. The contents of both Exotix’s post and the post you are reading now are meant for people interested in D/s relationships both in RL and SL.

Anyone can adopt an impressive-sounding title, wave a crop around like a feather duster, hang a bull whip from their belt, bark orders left right and centre and wear an outfit equipped with all the obligatory BDSM-related accessories. It’s true, of course, that some of the aforementioned more often than not find their space and time in looking and sounding the part, but they have little to do with what actually defines a Dominant. Being a Dominant is something that comes from within: being a Dominant is a skill and, as is the case with any skill out there, the basics can be learned; the ability can be grown and nurtured through immersion in the scene and interaction with its more experienced members. But, like any skill, how much one will actually develop it depends on their willingness to learn and/or be taught, and it also depends on how talented they are to begin with, i.e. whether their character, disposition and temperament are suited to this role.

In Second Life, it is extremely easy to put on a name tag and swagger around bondage or roleplay sims, barking orders all over the place in an attempt to intimidate and subdue submissives and impress others. Personally, I’m not impressed by this sort of thing at all – it’s beyond pretentious: it’s a caricature, a farce, a travesty that only utterly ignorant people would mistake for a Dominant and only people seeking to misinform others would identify such poseurs with Dom(me)s and present the D/s and SD/s scene as being characterised by this sort of pretender. But let’s get back to being polite; even in the most simplistic and unsophisticated setting, no amount of bossiness can substitute understanding the nuances of dominance; and it can never substitute a behaviour that proves possession of the traits that define a”good” Dominant.

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