Separating the wheat from the chaff among Dominants

NOTICE: The article below deals with adult and fetish-related topics and fantasies. If you are offended by such topics or are not a legal adult in your jurisdiction, I suggest you leave this instant.

In a now-deleted post about the “loving dominant”, which was inspired from and based on Inara Pey’s post of the same title, I negotiated what makes a good Dominant: the one that’s called “the loving Dominant”. One would think this topic has been covered to death, but it seems the misconceptions are a veritable Lernaean Hydra, and I’m sure shoddy depictions of the D/s scene by such films as The Secretary and such books as Fifty Shades of Grey and Histoire d’O have played a significant role to this.

I won’t hide: I’ve come to the point where I actively avoid the D/s and fetish scene in Second Life, even though I have adopted a very kinky look as my main, even though I define myself as a submissive. Why’s that? Because I’ve found out I have too little in common with the vast majority of the people populating that scene. Typically, the erotic roleplay is shallow and vapid; far too many submissives only want some instant gratification without any emotional connection to the other party / parties involved; and, finally, far too many “Dominants” are actually poseurs full of contempt for submissives, using their “Dominant” identity as an excuse to hurt others.

The audacious and aggressive tone with which I, a submissive, write this post might shock Dominants who read this post, but I do think we all need a rude awakening, because there are simply far too many domineering poseurs. Any halfwit out there can dress the part, adopt an authoritative-sounding title, hang a bull whip from their belt, wave a crop like a feather duster and start barking orders left right and centre, trying to out-dominate other Dominants, demand “respect” and bully submissives into deferring to them simply because they identify themselves as a “Dominant”. That doesn’t make them a Dominant. Not by a long shot.

Time to clarify a few things.

  • You are only a Dominant within the relationship between you and the submissives who have agreed to submit to you;
  • A submissive who is not your submissive has no obligation whatsoever to defer to you;
  • If you act in a condescending, insulting, humiliating, hurtful, spiteful manner to any submissive (including yours), you don’t deserve to be called a Dominant; instead, you are a domineering poseur; a wannabe; a mockery of a Dominant.

Real Dominants exhibit self-control; they respect, understand, and nurture their submissives. They don’t demand respect; they inspire and earn it with their consideration, kindness, empathy, sympathy, tenderness, warmth, and love. Domineering poseurs demand respect simply because they identify themselves as “Dominants”, lack any kind of self-discipline and self-control, and, in the name of their “authority”, they insult, humiliate and hurt submissives (and not only submissives…).

And make no mistake: If you’re involved with a person like that, they’ll hurt you when they get a chance, because that’s how they roll; they enjoy mistreating others, so be aware that you’re next – the question isn’t if your turn to be hurt by them will come. It’s when. Such poseurs need to be removed from the D/s scene like the cancer growth they are, because they only exist to hurt others. The wheat needs to be separated from the chaff.


See also:




2 thoughts on “Separating the wheat from the chaff among Dominants

  1. Very well said… it’s the same poseurs that you speak of (both Dominant and submissive ones) that add to the damage that the D/s community has taken, both in SL and RL. Add to that the bad image that such trash as 50 Shades of Grey, and those who want to believe that they are real-life Goreans, and you have a cyclopean amount of bad press and false imagery.

Comments are closed.