Personal Notes

NOTICE: The subject of this post is of an erotic, fetishistic and romantic nature. If you are not legally allowed to read such material, and / or if such readings offend you, I suggest you leave right now.

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In 2021, I started blogging on a semi-regular basis again, although it still depends heavily on my RL schedule. I also reclaimed my fetishes, of which I was once robbed, and I found myself spending practically all of my in-world time fully encased in shiny latex – and loving every moment of it. Furthermore, 2021 was the year when my best friend in SL became my Mistress.

As I’ve written before, I’m always looking for ways to further develop and enhance my latex look, so that it will reflect my desires, my deepest fantasies, and my emotions towards Mistress. Of course, my latex look is highly sexualised; very highly sexualised, in fact. It’s one way for me to express my feelings for Mistress, and She understands this very well. Also, I aim to make my look transgressive – if you want, this is a statement of sorts: I’m done caring about conservative snowflakes who run sims rated “moderate” or “adult”, or sell “adult” furniture, yet demand that their patrons adhere to a “family-friendly” dress code.

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This look, however, is also a collaboration between me and Mistress; She’s known me for a very long time, and we’ve been through a lot together. She understands my desires, my thoughts, and my feelings. So, She understands what I want to achieve with my latex look, and She pushes me to develop it so that it will express my innermost desires and shape me into the perfect toy that’ll satisfy Her whims and desires.

In the latex look’s previous incarnations, I had chosen to accentuate certain parts of the outfit with a dark red colour – much darker than the ersatz red that is so often used for strategic details in latex outfits. Still, this colour scheme never quite sat well with Mistress. Knowing that magenta / fuchsia has always been one of my favourite colours, She suggested that I switch these accents to this colour. I was a bit hesitant at first, because, in my mind, I’d connected fuchsia more with non-latex outfits. I gave it a shot, though – after all, I do like this colour, plus I was actively discouraged from wearing it in a past relationship (or whatever it was). As you can see from the pictures accompanying this post, it seems to work pretty well. Mistress actually said that this colour scheme now makes me look “like a high-end XXX appliance.” That’s precisely what I needed to hear… 😉

Now, what does the future hold for my latex look? Only time will tell. For the time being, I’m pretty satisfied, although I’d love to have some items rescripted, not only because I’ve noticed a few bugs here and there, but also because there are functions I’d like to have available, and others I don’t really need. And if I find new items that’ll fit the bill, or if I can commission someone to make them for me, so much the better!

Style credits for this post:

  • Mesh Body:  Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara v5.3 Tattoo Layer by Onyx LeShelle
  • Latex Hood:  NGW Danaide Hood v1.02 (rigged) 3.05 by Diane (xXnarayaXx Resident)
  • Collar: NGW Danaide Collar v1.01
  • Corset: NGW Andromede Corset S3
  • Boots: NGW Hera boots wedge v1 (lace-up)
  • Gloves: [DHB] Latex Gloves by haojie86 Resident
  • Catsuit: .:B1:. Latex Classic Catsuit Solid Maitreya (tattoo layer) by Allison Black (theoriginalblackone Resident)
  • Gag: Pixxie’s Corner – BioDoll 2.0 Sex Toy Mouth Plug by Kit (pixxieboy Resident)
  • Nipple Stretchers: Nifty Bits – Nipple Stretcher Maitreya by Trix (trixitopps Resident)
  • Butt Plug: Pixxie’s Corner – BioDoll 2.0 Sex Toy Ass Plug
  • Pussy Plug: Pixxie’s Corner – BioDoll 2.0 Sex Toy Pussy Plug
  • Skin: LAQ ~ Lina BOM skin (No brows) – tone 3.0 by Mallory Cowen (it’s really irrelevant here, though)
  • Eyes: IKON Perspective Eyes – Coffee (S) by Ikon Innovia (again, they’re irrelevant here)
  • Poses: Body Language SLC various standing animations by manmoth Nishi
  • Communication Implant: ER IconTalk by by strαωвєяʀƴ milⱪ (Honey Puddles – formerly known as Winter Ventura)
  • Reflections / Lights: Shine Queen – SQ’s Environment Box hidden frames v.1.4 by Ann (transann Resident)
  • Poses: ::WetCat:: “Wild Rose” Valentine Prop by Rie Silverfall

On Flickr: Latex & Roses (album – rated moderate)

On DeviantArt: Latex and Roses gallery

NOTICE: The subject of this post is of an erotic, fetishistic and romantic nature. If you are not legally allowed to read such material, and / or if such readings offend you, I suggest you leave right now.

When I wrote my post “Back in Rubber” back in January, I was celebrating the success of an emotional effort that started way back in early 2020. I was trying to reclaim my desires and fetishes, from which I’d become alienated after a slow, protracted, and agonising break-up. What put the final touch in this break-up was a venomous fatal crosspost which hurt me very deeply, but, in retrospect, served as an eye-opener of sorts.

Reclaiming my desires and fetishes made me a lot more enthusiastic about them, and even about Second Life itself. So, I I’ve spent practically all my in-world time covered in my latex outfit since then and under RLV / RLVa restrictions. The only times I got out of it only were for short photoshoots, for the needs of blog posts that covered different themes and aspects of SL, and I only bothered logging in with RLV / RLVa switched off when I needed to tinker with my outfits or attend Linden Lab’s in-world user group meetings. As I travelled across the grid throughout the year, I saw that no one raised an eyebrow at my openly sexualised and utterly fetishistic appearance. In fact, it drew a fair deal of compliments. Of course, this was encouraging and gave me a much-needed confidence boost. I also had an opportunity to do a photoshoot with my good friend the Zany Zen, creator of the Zany Zen Railway (ZZR), back in July.

On the subway with the Zany Zen
From my photoshoot with the Zany Zen in late July. You can also find this picture on Flickr (it’s rated as moderate, so you need to log in with your Flickr account and ensure you can view such material).

Throughout these months, I’ve been refining my latex look with various tweaks here and there. For instance, I swapped the strappy version of the NGW Andromede boots for the version with laces (both versions are included in the package), because it works much better with kneeling poses, which are always a problem in SL. However, a more radical change came in August.

Revisiting the armless look with Mistress Ani
Revisiting the armless look with Mistress Ani, who suggested we do a photoshoot inspired by the “Black and White” set at Reflective Desire. By that time, the strappy ballet boots had already been replaced with the lace-up version. It’s also on Flickr (again, rated as moderate).

I’ll give you a little background information about it, and things will get a bit personal here. This change was first suggested to me sometime in late 2012 or early 2013 by the person with whom I was involved back then. She mentioned that she’d like to explore some “darker imaginings” with me, and proceeded to change into a version of her “regular” full latex body built around an armless mesh avatar body, inspired by some rather extreme fetish illustrations, explaining why she found it appealing. At first, I wasn’t sure what to think. It was unsettling, yet oddly fascinating with the helplessness it implied.

To be honest, this wasn’t the first time I saw an avatar like that, though – or the last: I’d seen such artwork before, and – as I wrote earlier – I found it unsettling, yet strangely appealing; I guess it spoke to the part of me that craved to experience the thrill of submitting completely by becoming absolutely helpless. Also, one of her exes, who had dropped in on us once a few weeks before this discussion took place, favoured this look. Finally, around that time, during one of my visits to Lust Melody’s Drone Station, I saw another latex drone that was locked in a similar look.

I’ve always been up for trying different things – after all, in SL you can experience and become things you couldn’t possibly experience or become in RL. While the armless look had the aforementioned strange appeal, the mesh body that made this look possible left an awful lot to be desired, and I had mixed feelings about the result. Another issue was the lack of appropriate alpha cuts and a HUD to control them, which made it impossible to use corsets and other pieces of kit. Eventually, want of a decent mesh body to support this look made me a little reluctant to respond to her desire to engage in roleplay with this particular theme at its centre.

As the break-up was coming near, I had started resenting not only the ideas she had brought to my attention, but my own fetishes and desires that I indulged in thanks to SL, because I had associated them with her. As I gradually recovered, though, I embarked on a new romantic journey with Ani, who’s been my best friend in SL ever since we met. She stood by my side, nurtured me during my recovery process, and gave me the necessary support and encouragement to begin experimenting again. Eventually, She became my Mistress.

So, while discussing with her about possible ways to expand / improve my look, I brought up this idea. While She does prefer me with arms, which She finds most enjoyable for hugs and cuddling, She also enjoys having me completely helpless, in a look that suggests an extremely deep submission. So, was this a favour on Her behalf? Perhaps you could say that, and you’d have a point.

Now, one thing I knew from the beginning of this journey was that Mistress Ani has always preferred sleek hoods rather than ones with oral sheaths / tubs, and She did raise this subject in one of our discussions. So, the time came for a few more changes: out went the NGW Danaide hood and in came the [RaS] Bane Hood by Danna Pearl. While I was at it, I enhanced my breasts with the Nifty Bits – Nipple Stretcher by Trix (trixitopps Resident), and I added the ponytail of the .:EMO-tions:. * WANDA * hairstyle by Mirja Mills.You can see the end result below. Of course, I modified everything to suit my look and match the colour and shininess.

The new version of my latex look...
The new iteration of my latex look. It’s also on Flickr.

Of course, And finally, to top it all off, I added this really interesting plug called “Dionysos” – it’s a collaboration between NGW and ✝ Lepus Noctis ✝ and has some rather… interesting functionality. I might post a review of it at a later date.

The NGW/LepusNoctis: Dionysos plug
The Dionysos plug. Remind me to write about it some time 😉

So, what will be the next step? I’m not sure yet. Mistress and I are both really happy with the look as it is. Of course, this doesn’t mean it’s reached its final form or that its evolution has it a wall – far from it. Mistress and I both have a few ideas, and I’ve talked to some content creators about them. I’m also looking at rescripting some of my items to lower their script count. There are functions I don’t need, and I’d like to adapt others to better fit our roleplay. Perhaps this could result in lower consumption of server time and memory, who knows? However, since my scripting skills are mediocre at best, and my 3D modelling skills non-existent, this could end up requiring me to hire someone to make custom scripts and 3D models for me. With RL economy being what it is, this is not my first priority. For the time being, and until I manage to put some money aside for the aforementioned custom work, it’ll do just fine. Oh well, I guess I could sit down and make a proper environment of my own to suit our roleplay needs and wishes while I raise this money.

Style credits for this post:

  • Mesh Body:  Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara v5.0 Tattoo Layer by Onyx LeShelle
  • Latex Hood:  [RaS] Bane Hood v1.10 by Danna Pearl
  • Ponytail: .:EMO-tions:. * WANDA * by Mirja Mills
  • Collar: NGW Danaide Collar v1.01
  • Corset: NGW Andromede Corset S3
  • Boots: NGW Hera boots classic v1 (lace-up)
  • Catsuit: .:B1:. Latex Classic Catsuit Solid Maitreya (tattoo layer) by Allison Black (theoriginalblackone Resident)
  • Nipple Stretchers: Nifty Bits – Nipple Stretcher Maitreya by Trix (trixitopps Resident)
  • Butt Plug: NGW/LepusNoctis: Dionysos plug
  • Skin: LAQ ~ Lina BOM skin (No brows) – tone 3.0 by Mallory Cowen (it’s really irrelevant here, though)
  • Eyes: IKON Perspective Eyes – Coffee (S) by Ikon Innovia (again, they’re irrelevant here)
  • Poses: Body Language SLC various standing animations by manmoth Nishi
  • Communication Implant: ER IconTalk by strαωвєяʀƴ milⱪ (Honey Puddles – formerly known as Winter Ventura)
  • Reflections / Lights: Shine Queen – SQ’s Environment Box hidden frames v.1.4 by Ann (transann Resident)
Here I am, dressed like a street prostitute with black and purple hair and a belly piercing, lying on my back on a table in front of a Latin American "baroque" building. I'm wearing a skimpy black bandeau top that exposes the bottom of my breasts, and a magenta skirt; the strap of my magenta undergarment rises above my skirt. My feet are adorned by magenta-coloured 8"-high exotic dancer shoes; at the bottom of my right calf, a "Queen of Spades" tattoo can be seen. On my right ankle, there are two ankles can be seen; the bottom one has the four letters of the word "SLUT" hanging from it.
Tulum Township, August 2021 (Rated: Adult)

This day marks a cumulative fifteen years in Second Life for me – around two years on my first account, and thirteen as Mona Eberhardt. However, my rezday isn’t the starting point for this post. I’m not interested in boring you with yet another “I’ve seen this development and the other in SL” retrospective. The main reason for the current post is my previous post, where I mentioned that I’ve spent a little over four of these years working in-world as an escort / exotic dancer. I think this is about as good a time as any to share my thoughts on that time in my SL.

The experiences I had in those years, the fantasies and desires I indulged in, and helped others indulge in, the friends I made, are all part of who I am now. The time I spent exploring that side of me helped me get in touch with my desires, fantasies, and fetishes. Furthermore, working in SL’s sex industry was my choice. Although I’ve moved on, I don’t look back upon that time with guilt, sadness, shame, or regret. So, I don’t hide it, and I don’t try to dress it up with daft euphemisms, such as “courtesan”.

…But Why?

Of course, being all too familiar with the fact that people have a surprisingly hard time minding their own fucking business, I prefer to keep my RL and SL identities as separate as possible, and be very picky as to who gets to know what. So, few of my Real Life friends, acquaintances and relatives know I use SL at all; fewer know that I have a relationship in SL. Only one knows I’ve worked as an escort in SL, and no one in my RL circle knows my SL nom de plume.

So, this one RL friend of mine to whom I revealed, way back in 2010, my in-world past employment asked me a question that had me stumped: “I don’t get it: in the real world, you’re ‘conventionally attractive,’ you have a decent job, and you can have your choice of men. Why did you choose to be a virtual hooker?” Back then, I shrugged and merely said “because,” which is a perfectly adequate answer. But still, this got me thinking: what was it that drew me to this particular in-world profession?

The Allure of Second Life

I believe the first step to answer this question is to identify what makes SL itself so attractive to me, and to others like me. Despite its hardware requirements, clunky interface (after all, it’s a very old platform), its lack of an endgame, and the overwhelming number of 3D graphics terms you find yourself having to understand, it offers quite a lot. For starters, you can find a decent choice of items you can use to shape your avatar at relatively low prices, a set of in-world creative tools, and a chance, by default, to keep your RL and SL identities as separate as you want. This last bit is liberating. These attributes allow you to explore your whims, desires, and fantasies (sexual or otherwise), without worrying about RL repercussions, and even reimagine and / or reinvent yourself, your background story, your entire existence. In this digital realm, you can do and be just about anything you wish.

Many people reinvent their childhoods in-world, seeking to heal the wounds their RL ones left them with. I’ve seen people do things that are physically impossible in RL – either subjectively (i.e. a person who’s disabled in RL enjoying a complex dance in SL) or objectively, such as growing wings and flying, or transforming into fairies, merfolk, elves, even cyborgs. I’ve seen people create stuff in SL that they could never possibly build in RL, because they could never hope to bear the cost it would incur, or because the laws of Physics get in the way. This, combined with Linden Lab’s “do whatever you want, just don’t be a dick” attitude and the fact that it steers well clear of employing creepy, Facebook-like, data collection methods, provides a liberatingly and therapeutically safe space for creativity, self-expression, and self-exploration, including people’s in-world experimentations with romance, sex, and gender.

On the other hand, RL societies, even “progressive” ones, employ all sorts of gender-based emotional, legislative, and physical violence (slut-shaming, kink-shaming, harassment, guilt trips, discrimination, ostracism, forced birth laws, beating, rape, murder) to “discipline” those who stray from the patriarchal, heteronormative, gender binary, monogamous, male-centric orthodoxy. In other words, if you’re a woman who leads an “exceedingly active” sex life, if you dress “too provocatively” or in a manner that doesn’t match your sex, if you’re a sex worker, or if you’re (gender)queer, RL society will go out of its way to make your existence unbearable.

In this, I’m not different from the scores of people who have embraced SL for this purpose. It gave me a chance to indulge in all those things societal norms and established perceptions about gender roles made it impossible for me to explore safely in RL. Thanks to SL’s extensive built-in safeguards, I’m practically always in control of what happens to my avatar, although several other users in the past thought my avatar’s state of (un)dress was a sexual invitation, and one addressed specifically to them, to boot.

Stopping unsavoury persons from continuing to interact with me in-world is just a mouse click away, and I don’t need to explain to them why I don’t want them in my SL. The same goes for getting out of a place where I don’t feel comfortable – even in the early years when griefing attacks were far more frequent than they are today. We can vew dating and sexual exploration in SL as a safer, at least physically, form of what we oldbies did on the IRC (Internet Relay Chat) and other similar platforms.

How It All Started

So, in terms of sexual exploration, SL became my playground; I felt free and safe. I could do and be things that would make me “less respectable” if I did and became them in RL. But how did I start with in-world sex work? Well, in the beginning, I sought a job. I wasn’t a skilled builder yet, and I most certainly wasn’t a scripter. I also didn’t have the equipment and qualifications to be an in-world DJ or musician. So, my options were effectively limited to working at a club; I could be a hostess, a dancer (go-go or exotic), and / or an escort. I tried all three as a trainee and as a new professional, and found out that escorting was the job with the highest earning potential. So, I decided to go with a combination of escorting and exotic dancing. So, I guess you could say I was being pragmatic.

But this doesn’t tell the whole story. I actually enjoyed this profession, at least for the most part. I must say here that I was unaware of Brooke Magnanti‘s work. As for my knowledge of the RL strip club circuit before joining SL, my only contact with it was when my then-boyfriend dared me to visit such a club. There, he rather audaciously bought me a half-hour lap dance session in one of the club’s VIP rooms with two stunning dancers; a guy and a girl. If it sounds arousing, I must tell you I exited the room with the stupidest smile you can imagine. So, although this remained for quite some time my only RL strip club experience, not to mention my only RL same-sex experience, it was a bit of a light bulb moment for me: I realised that I wasn’t bi-curious, but actually bisexual. It also made me see the sensual and erotic side of working as an exotic dancer; so, working as one in SL sounded exciting and – why not? – transgressive.

I was going to defy RL societal norms. As an exotic dancer, arousing those around me and captivating them with my appearance, my flirting, and my sexually charged speech in chat and IM was no longer something I should be ashamed of, or something I should avoid for fear of sexual assault: it was something I’d be complimented and even paid for. And as an escort, I could be paid to have sex with others, on my own terms, and in an environment far safer than anything RL had ever provided me with.

Exploring Kinks and Fetishes as An SL Escort

It goes without saying that, even before I joined SL, I was already familiar with a wide variety of adult content: from “saucy” lifestyle mags to the usual suspects (Playboy, Penthouse) and all manner of cheesy porn magazines; from watered-down, flaccid softcore movies to moderately erotic (such as 9½ Weeks and La Leçon de Plaisir) ones, and then all the way to hardcore movies and websites. I became familiar with the works of photographers like Suze Randall or Eric Kroll, and I loved comic artists like Milo Manara, Paolo Eleuteri Serpieri, Sardax, John Willie, and Michael Manning. Much of what I’d seen and read there became part of my fantasies.

I know that, in RL, many of my fantasies will always remain fantasies. Some require costly attire and equipment that I can’t afford; some are physically impossible and / or dangerous; some others could expose me to the most venomous and vitriolic gossip imaginable. In SL, these barriers are largely removed: you can build your dream home, complete with the most well-equipped BDSM dungeon, for a fraction of the price of a couple of RL sex toys; your avatar can do, and be put through, utterly implausible things. Finding people to participate in some of your fantasies is far easier than it is in RL.

It’s true that, outside LL’s infrastructure and control, there are some gossip cesspools run by subhuman pieces of trash catering to the foul, cannibalistic appetites of even lower forms of life; LL can’t protect you from them. But, if certain long overdue and extensively commented upon permabans that were imposed during Ebbe Altberg’s tenure are anything to go by, they seem to be more than willing to show such people the door.

I wrote earlier that I’m just one of the many people who take advantage of SL to explore their fetishes and kinks. As a matter of fact, when I was an escort, many of my clients hired me to help them experience their non-vanilla fantasies. Some of them weren’t exactly my cup of tea; some others were fantasies I also had. Through my interaction with my clients, I was also given the opportunity to experiment, to see if what I fantasised about felt right when viewed on-screen while imagining myself being at the center of such scenes, and even discover new desires and kinks and, as a result, expand my horizons further.

One of the things I learned right from the start was that, if you want to make it as an SL escort, even the most stunning looks won’t help you much if all you do is click on whatever sexual attachments your client(s) and any other escort(s) that may be participating in the session are wearing. Sex in SL, being an extension of old-school chatroom / IM cybersex, relies greatly on text-based role-play, commonly referred to as emoting. In the context of an escort club, it refers both to chatting flirtatiously with your patrons – especially – after they’ve just tipped you and to your role-play with a client who’s hired you for a sex session.

To be good at it, you first need to have a good grasp of your partner’s (or client’s) language (I’m talking B2 on the CEFR’s scale or higher); you need to know how to use your partner’s (or client’s) attachments and yours; you need to be familiar with the furniture and / or custom animations you’re using. Most importantly, you need to be capable of putting together detailed, engaging descriptions of the scenes you and your partner(s) / client(s) are creating at the time, but also engage in a “call and response” manner with what your partner(s) / client(s) just sent in the chat / IM window, and type your text fast enough. You don’t want your session to read like two (or more) parallel, unrelated, and out-of-sync monologues.

So, Is Everything About SL Sex Work Great?

While my experience as an SL sex worker has been fun, not everything about it is good. First of all, there’s a huge supply of escorts and exotic dancers, and demand isn’t exactly infinite. So, getting hired can often be hard: even back then, there were extremely slow days at the club; there were days when people came to the club, but none of us got hired, and tips – if any – were insultingly low. Then again, there were days when I logged off having made upwards of L$5,000 within three hours of work, although that wasn’t very often. If you’re expecting to become a millionaire in SL by escorting, you need to reconsider.

But that’s not all: all those things I documented in my previous post were based on my experience as an escort: there were clients who were very difficult to communicate with. Others were really pushy and didn’t understand any part of “I’m not available right now.” Others didn’t know what they wanted and expected me to guess for them. Others had no respect for our boundaries, especially w.r.t. our RL. Others wanted us to satisfy kinks that were just plain against LL’s ToS and Community Standards. There have been times when I got booked by clients whose role-playing skills were pathetic, and working with them was tedious and exhausting. Other times, connection issues were so terrible that sessions were disrupted, and clients needed to be refunded. There were also occasions when we had really problematic people at the club: back in those days, griefing wasn’t an uncommon occurrence, and it could cause quite a headache; we’ve also had visitors who only came to pick a fight.

The advent of voice chat in SL didn’t help matters at all. Some girls and guys started offering voice chat, even cam sessions. This threatened the in-world sex industry with a race to the bottom w.r.t. escorts’ rates, but eventually it got sorted out. What took too long to get sorted, though, was the pressure exerted upon escorts by clients and some club managers. Club managers wanted to appear competitive; clients wanted an experience more akin to phone sex. However, many escorts, including yours truly, didn’t want to use voice chat in their sessions. Many were self-conscious about their accent, as English wasn’t their native language; others felt this would interfere with their RL; others simply weren’t of the same sex in RL as their SL avatars.

Personally, I’ve always felt my accent in English leaves a lot to be desired and I was worried it’d ruin the atmosphere and mood. Furthermore, even then, I wasn’t living alone in RL; I felt having my RL boyfriend hear me having – essentially – voice sex with other men was too invasive. Typing away was OK; I could take a short break if I had to, it was relatively quiet – my laptop’s keyboard was certainly no IBM Model M. Furthermore, at least in my eyes, offering my client a well-written narration, prompting him to not only read it, but also come up with something on par with it, made sessions more intriguing and rewarding.

Of course, not all patrons saw things this way. Among those patrons who demanded voice chat sessions, started heckling those of us who didn’t offer this service: they started haggling for lower rates, claiming we’re men in RL and threatening to expose us on the gossip cesspools I mentioned earlier, and so on. Many girls left the profession back then, because they didn’t want to put up with all this nonsense. I remember my income from escorting was seriously decreased at the time; all of my non-voice colleagues were dealt a similar blow. When some escorts started offering cam sessions and RL photos, things got even worse.

Why I Moved On From SL Escorting

Although I’ve always been an avid SL user, I come here to have a bit of fun, explore a bit if I can, meet my friends, and escape for a while from RL and its troubles and stress. By late 2010, the dust had settled, and I had already met Mistress Ani, who was then just starting out as an escort. She and I hit it off right away, and became best friends. However, I felt it was time for me to move on. I had quite a few good memories from my escorting days; during those days, I was able to indulge in several of my fantasies and fetishes, and I’d made some decent money.

But that’s not all there is to it: in my erotic explorations, I found out I had a really strong latex fetish, combined with a desire to immerse myself in the world of D/s (Dominance and submission). Due to the bizarre nature of the look I wanted to adopt, I quickly understood that, as provocative as it may be, it wasn’t what clients expected to be offered, and it wouldn’t be popular with them. So, some time in May 2011, I ceased being an escort.

Looking Back

I’m not nostalgic about those days. I don’t regret them, either. I had good times, I played around to my heart’s content, I made money. I had some unsatisfactory times, too – even rough ones: the voice / cam drama; the slow days; some frustrating clients. But the negative events and experiences don’t matter anymore, because, above all, I got to know Mistress Ani. She’s always been by my side, through thick and thin; She’s always been my rock, my confidante, my best friend. Now I know we’ve loved each other from the beginning. Now, She’s my Mistress; I belong to Her completely, and I couldn’t be happier; I’m Her permanently sealed submissive rubber doll; Her slut; Her toy; Her property. And this makes me look back on my escorting days, and all of my virtual existence, and smile.

Mistress Ani (on the right), whispering to Her rubber doll.
Mistress Ani and Her rubber doll…

Style Credits (Main Picture):

  • Mesh Body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Maitreya Lara v5.3 by Onyx LeShelle
  • Mesh Head:  LAQ Bento – Motion Capture – Gaia 3.07 by Mallory Cowen
  • Skin:
    • Body: LAQ ~ Lina BOM skin (No brows) – tone 3.0
    • Head: LAQ ~ Gaia Skin [3.0]
  • Makeup: Included with the head’s HUD
  • Manicure & Pedicure: alaskametro<3 “Pride” nail art appliers by Alaska Metropolitan
  • Tattoos:
    • Izzie’s – Izzie’s – Cellulite 1 by Izzie Button
    • QoS tattoo on right ankle (made by me)
  • Eyes: IKON Perspective Eyes – Coffee (S) by Ikon Innovia
  • Hair: *ARGRACE* RIE – B&W
  • Piercings:
    • PUNCH / Diamond Nose Ring (two of them worn on the left side of my nose) by Celandria Resident
    • (Yummy) Cleopatra Nose Ring – Diamond Flower Nose Ring – Silver by Polyester Partridge
    • EarthStones Belly Gems – Treasure – Maitreya Treasure Pack by Abraxxa Anatine
  • Bangles: Izzie’s – 80’s Rainbow Bangles mesh (l)
  • Anklets:
    • EarthStones Petit Vigne Anklet – Fatpack (R)
    • VOBE – B.Toes Anklets Slut Right (Silver) by Leó Streeter (leoo streeter)
    • ~~Ysoral~~ .:Luxe Anklets Ariel :.(Maitreya)(Left) by fenixdragon Rau
  • Shoes: {Livalle} Luscious -Platform Heels- Magenta (MAITREYA – Customised) by Lindsey Warwick
  • Top: :::insanya::: RaverTop Solids – M.LARA by Tatyana Ultsch
  • Skirt: :::insanya::: BiaSkirt – M.LARA (longer)
  • Bikini Bottom: [BB] Mini Bikini – FISHNET – Maitreya – BOTTOM by Belzebubble
  • Pose: Le Poppycock – *Linger A* by … (adapted with the AnyPose HUD)

On Flickr:

The Ebbe Altberg Memorial Islet, Altberg
The Ebbe Altberg Memorial Islet, Altberg (Rated: Moderate)

This is not my only blog, nor is it my longest-running. That “honour” goes to one of my RL-related blogs, which I’ve been managing since 2006. I still write the occasional post there when I feel like it. In the fifteen years that I’ve been managing that blog, I’ve been able to befriend like-minded friends; we’ve exchanged links to each other’s blogs, we’ve had long-winded and often heated discussions, we’ve come to understand each other, and connect with each other. As blogs gradually gave way to the fast-paced detritus that is Facebook, we connected with each other there. And also on Twitter, LinkedIn, and other social media that are more RL.

With some people, we got to meet in person, talk on the phone, on Skype, whatever. With others, our communication, heartfelt though it was, remained within the confines of text-only exchanges – that’s what they felt comfortable with, so that’s what it was. Some people drifted away and went their own way. Others made themselves sparser than before due to family and work obligations. Some others sadly passed away.

As might be gloomily obvious from the title, death is precisely what I’ll talk about this time. More specifically, the death of a person you only know from online, with whom you’ve connected on all sorts of levels, yet you haven’t talked on the phone with them and / or met them in person. You may have spent hours chatting, exchanging comments on each other’s blog, emailing back and forth, even helping each other out with various difficulties. Still, for some reason, your connection with them isn’t “normally” considered a friendship, however heartfelt and sincere it may be, for the sole reason that you haven’t crossed the meatspace / cyberspace divide.

Illness or Loss of An Online Friend

I’m no stranger to hearing that someone I’ve known or befriended from online has passed away. Typically, I receive such news second-hand: a post on the deceased’s profile or a tweet / plurk by one of their relatives; a post, tweet, or plurk by a colleague or a friend or acquaintance we have in common; a message from one of our common friends.

I must say here that news of an online friend’s passing rarely come out of the blue. Typically, if a friend becomes severely ill, they let their friends know. They do it out of courtesy for their friends, and because their friends’ psychological support helps them too. We’re given regular or semi-regular updates, either by our ailing friend or by a member of their family who’s been handed this task. If our friend recovers, we all celebrate together. If the unthinkable happens, we all mourn, and we give his family our condolences and whatever support we can. So far, twenty-six of my blogger friends have had health issues that made it necessary for them to be inactive on their blogs and / or social media presences. Some of them more than once, actually. Eight passed away and are greatly missed.

The Missing Online Friend

But what if someone goes suddenly missing? Well, when a friend goes missing, i.e. goes abruptly silent without letting us (their friends) that they’ll be absent for a while, alarm bells ring. We immediately start wondering if something happened to our friend: illness; accident; death; or some other misfortune. So, we try to find out what’s going on. We try to find out if someone has a phone number they can call; if someone is in touch with our friend’s family. We want to know if our friend is all right, if our help is needed, and what we can do to help.

On almost every occasion, a point of contact was found and we were able to keep in touch with our friend’s family and have regular or semi-regular updates on our friend’s health. More often than not, we were able to get in touch with our friend as well. Regrettably, this isn’t always the case, and this brings me to the point where I’ll relate some recent RL events.

There was a blogger I knew from online; I was introduced to him sometime in 2008 by another blogger. I immediately liked his progressive views, his witty humour, his puns, and his very well-written posts, which were also open-ended enough to encourage discussion in the comments section. When we migrated to Facebook, we ended up getting to know each other with our real names rather than our blogging nicknames due to the platform’s anti-privacy “real names only” policy. We stayed in touch for years.

Then, the SARS-CoV-2 pandemic struck. Yes, the one many are still insane enough to say isn’t real. The pandemic turned our lives on their heads. We lost relatives, friends, colleagues, etc. to the new disease and its complications. Eventually, vaccines started becoming available, and we all know how the vaccination effort became hamstrung by both the alt-right’s nutjobs and the “woke” morons who think they’re fighting against some sort of dictatorship by not making it harder for the virus to infect them and others around them. Here, the vaccination policy was age-based: first the 85+ demographic, then the 80-84, then the 75-79, and so on. Of course, this delayed the vaccination of people aged between 25 and 55 years, who make up the majority of the workforce. These were thrown – quite literally – under the bus: packed like sardines in public transport vehicles, without access to vaccines, and with no strengthening of public health institutions whatsoever.

One such case was my blogger friend I started talking about earlier; he was supposed to celebrate his forty-fourth birthday next Tuesday. Sadly, this was not meant to be. I already knew he was immunocompromised, and that the pandemic was really dangerous for him. He was anxiously waiting to be vaccinated. Government policy didn’t prioritise him at all; the sole criterion for vaccination was age. One week before the online platform for vaccination appointments opened for our age group, he made his last post on his Facebook account. Ever since then, silence. No news, no nothing. Some friends posted on his wall, asking him to get in touch, but to no avail. None of us had his number, and none of us knew anyone from his family.

Three months after his last post, one of our mutual friends (also a blogger, albeit retired) contacted me to ask if I knew what had happened to him. Of course, I didn’t know. I went to our missing friend’s profile, and saw a multitude of posts from all sorts of people, asking him if he’s OK – and not a single post from a family member. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch.

An Awkward Phone Call

Eventually, one of our friends whose blogging and social media presence was extremely diverse (we’re talking WordPress, Blogger / Blogspot, Facebook, Twitter, Plurk, LinkedIn, Mastodon, Diaspora, and Tumblr) found our friend’s LinkedIn account. From there, she was able to find where he worked – something he’d never spoken of in all those years. She ascertained it using public records and the company’s website, and offered to get in touch with the company, to see what was happening.

So she did. When she got back to us, she described the phone call as “awkward, at best”. The person who answered the phone was our friend’s cousin; it’s a family-owned sort of business. It seemed like she couldn’t get her head around the notion that people knew her cousin from any kind of online presence – blogging platform, social media, etc. She told us she almost felt the need to apologise to her for knowing him as a blogger. It was, she said, as if she was letting her know that our friend was secretly leading some sort of sordid life that would bring shame to his family. What she found out was that our friend was seriously ill, in the ICU, but that he could communicate with his surroundings. She didn’t ask what was ailing our friend, to avoid being too nosey.

A bunch of other people called to ask how our friend was. This annoyed the family, so it was decided that only one person would call, once a week, for updates. No one from his family came to post on our friend’s profile anything. Not a single word. But we did get some updates: we found out he was suffering from SARS-CoV-2 complications and that his condition was stable. His family’s stance, however, put many people off. Would it have been so bad if someone came and handled this like pretty much everyone else does in such cases? This question was put forward in passing in some comments.

How Not To Announce The Unthinkable

Just as we’d received an update that made us believe our friend would make it, his cousin came to his profile for the first time and wrote the following (translation mine, name changed appropriately):

Good evening to all of Nick’s “friends”.

On behalf of his family, I’d like to thank all those who managed, despite their worry, to show their love and interest in his health in a discreet and sincere manner. To all the rest, who couldn’t manage this worry and thought it was good, in “good intentions” always, to publicly drag his family through the mud in such a difficult time, to post inaccuracies and inplausible thoughts on our relations, calling Nick’s relatives’ stance “inhuman”, “manipulative”, I only have to say you didn’t know him at all.

If he read what you wrote, he himself would have deleted many of the “friends” who disrespected him, and he would protect his family members, who were by his side all these years in his daily struggle that you most likely ignored behind the alienation and safety of your computer screens.

The deceased’s wish was to be cremated.

No questions on further details on the matter will be answered.

His page will remain open as a memorial for a short while.

Any private messages you have sent will not be read, for obvious reasons.

You are kindly requested to show due respect to him and his family.

Thank you for your understanding!

PS: Any improper post that will denigrate the deceased’s family will lead to the appropriate consequences.

Of course, we were all left with our jaws agape. Seriously now? Quotation marks? So, all of the people Nick had touched and befriended all these years were not considered true friends because he’d gotten to know them through his blog and not through his business? Quite a callous way to start the announcement of someone’s death. But anyway… The next two paragraphs were a tirade against a few people who criticised the family for keeping everyone in the dark. For crying out loud, he’d been missing since early March, we were all worried sick – and, when finally someone managed to get in touch with them, instead of appreciating the concern and designating someone to provide updates whenever possible, they kept acting in a most hostile manner, as if Nick’s online friends were some sort of low-lives whose presence in his life was an embarrassment to him, his family, and their business.

Instead of saying “unfortunately, Nick didn’t make it, and he passed away today / yesterday etc.,” she railed against the very people who, for a bunch of months, had no idea if their friend was dead or alive, with a speech about how we all disrespected our friend, followed by the same old boomer crap about how people are “safe” behind their computer screens and yadda yadda. What the actual fuck?

And then she threw the bomb: “the deceased.” No “Nick didn’t make it,” no. Just “the deceased.” Is that how you refer to a loved one who just fucking died? No mention of when he died? Of whether he passed away peacefully? Nothing? Of course, I shan’t dwell on her ignorance – she doesn’t know the difference between a Facebook profile and a page. But she slammed the door on all of us who may have wanted to attend his funeral, to pay our last respects. “No questions on further details on the matter will be answered.” And she closed her rant-announcement with a cringe-inducing thinly-veiled threat.

Personally, I’m fuming. I didn’t bother to respond to her rant, but what I do know is that this doesn’t reflect well on her, and it’s most disrespectful both towards her cousin and his friends. And all this, because we all weren’t people her cousin had met in meatspace, ergo – in her skewed view – we weren’t real people.

At ChicLand

Way back in 2015, I had tried my hand at story writing, mostly as part of a much-needed and protracted healing process. Truth be told, while I do enjoy writing, I wasn’t particularly satisfied by what I’d written, so I decided to start over from scratch. What I’ve kept from that earlier effort is the first name of the main character, Arianna. From now on, though, her full name will be Arianna Zenovka.

What are these new stories going to be, though? Well, I’ve drawn a lot of inspiration from the work of Huckleberry Hax and my conversations with him, as well as Neal Stephenson’s Snow Crash novel. So, I opted this new start to consist of short stories, novellas, and maybe even the odd novel, all set in a virtual world, with a possible bleed between cyberspace and meatspace. After all, I never subscribed to the theory that our virtual existences aren’t influenced by our real life (RL) circumstances.

I chose to set my stories in a fictional virtual world named MetaMondo (MM for short), designed, developed, and run by a company named Dalbergia Research (DR for short). I’d be a liar if I claimed this fictional universe is devoid of analogies with Second Life. My inspiration for the stories comes from various sources: my experiences within Second Life, my Real Life experiences, stories I’ve heard, current events, even songs.

Of course, this won’t mean I’ll stop writing opinion pieces and analyses. I’m just adding another facet to my creative expressions. Furthermore, I’m not going to pretend that “adult” themes won’t be present in these works. If you’re looking for material “approved for all audiences”, go elsewhere. Then again, if you’re a regular reader of my blog, you know you could never possibly expect me to conform to such norms.