NOTICE: The article below deals with adult and fetish-related topics and fantasies. If you are offended by this sort of material and/or are not a legal adult, I suggest you leave this instant.
UPDATE 25 July 2017: Feel free to ignore the wall of text under the update notices. I no longer feel it expresses me, because I’ve grown way past the stage of sadness, shame, self-doubt and depression. Time to give you the TL;DR about it; we need to be brutally honest and blunt as hell: The “drop” is a sorry-ass euphemism that dom(me)s use when they’ve lost all interest in their sub. However, rather than having the decency and honesty to tell the sub up-front that they need to break up, they keep the poor sucker hanging on, as a crutch for their egoes, as a sounding board, as someone who’ll be always ready to respond and cater to their every need, while they hunt around for someone new, regardless of whether the new relationship is within a D/s concept or not. I should know, because I speak from experience – and other (former) subs have come to me and shared astonishingly similar experiences. So, when your dom(me) starts babbling about having “dropped”, just walk away. No. Don’t walk. RUN.
Oh, and learn to appreciate yourself more. The overwhelming majority of dom(me)s need the reverence, the deference, the submission, the surrender, the adoration and the adulation they get from a sub to justify their existence anyway – in this way, they’re every bit as needy (for lack of a more appropriate term) as a sub, if not more; like mosquitoes, they feed on the lifeblood of a sub’s mentality, which is basically an overblown need (stemming from other, unresolved, issues) to be accepted – and, to satisfy this need, the sub will invariably bend over backwards to satisfy the dom(me)’s every whim. As for the “sub drop”: It’s usually a consequence of the “domme drop” or a “scene” in which a little alarm bell rings inside the sub’s mind and warns them that what’s happening is not loving or sensual, but emotionally exploitative. I have also changed the title to reflect my current opinions and feelings. Also, have you noted that most articles that describe the desirable types of dom(me)s and subs are written from the dom(me)’s point of view, looking down upon the “lazy” sub and the “sub who tops from the bottom”, i.e. the sub who “doesn’t know his/her place” and has the… nerve to express ideas and desires and – Heaven forbid! – address the dom(me) as if they were equals?
On a final note: If you’re a dominant and you feel offended by what I have to say, I’m in the pleasant (for me) position to tell you that your opinion doesn’t matter at all, that the mere fact that you need to have power and control over someone else in order to get sexual satisfaction means you have serious issues, and that you can shove your impressive titles and paraphernalia up your self-important rectum.
PAST UPDATES: This article has been updated before on 22 September 2013 and 27 July 2016.
A relationship – friendly, professional, romantic, sexual – is, at its heart, an exchange between the persons involved; a process of giving and taking, which can also last for quite some time. D/s relationships are no different; the Domme and the sub engage with each other and there is a constant exchange of actions, behaviours, communication and feelings between the two (or more, depending on the situation). Now, this exchange sometimes might be stronger on one side than on the other, but it is not one-way. This differentiates a D/s relationship from the “exchange of power” (often referred to as TPE – Total Power Exchange). TPE does play a role in D/s relationships and BDSM play, but it is not absolutely necessary for a D/s relationship to flourish. Furthermore, power exchange is predominantly one-sided, i.e. the submissive gives the Dominant power over them – whereas a relationship is a two-way exchange, and this two-way exchange encompasses a lot more than just power.
Within a relationship, one side “feeds” off the energy (actions, behaviours, communication and feelings) of the other and vice versa. So, in a D/s relationship, the submissive “feeds” off the Dominant’s energy, and the Dominant can take encouragement, pleasure and energy in the sub’s responses to their exercise of control over them. It is important to note here that this exchange of energy, which is two-way, is free and subconscious, as both sides often don’t realise it’s happening.
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